Dear Sub from Hell,

Dear Substitute Teacher from Hell,

I wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't heard you were the same way in every other class you've substituted for. I get it, it's not easy. It's effing difficult. When I walked in and two of the most well-behaved students in that class freaked out on me because "omg she's SO MEAN" I thought they were just being kids. Every sub sucks, right? I even tried to get the kids to, you know, listen. And they did listen to me...kinda. Soon I just gave up because you were mean. You know, while the kids could've been better, it's really hard to blame them after seeing how you've treated them.

So, a bit of advice:

Teaching 101:
Do not condescend to or be otherwise bitchy to the students.

Do not roll your eyes at them.

Do not send them out to the principal's office because they were making paper airplanes.

If you want respect, give respect.

Know the students. At least know if they are remedial or advanced. Hell, you know what? That doesn't matter. The clinical and wordy definitions from the text will go over most advanced 8th grade ELA students. They went over mine. Do not expect these kids to understand just because you read what is already in their books.

If a student who you've had particular issues with just up and walks out of class, you should probably call somebody. Especially if they don't return in the amount of time it takes to use the bathroom.

Don't ever say "Oh I'll just tell [your teacher] we went over it." Hi, I'm right here.

Don't take a kid's note away from her and refuse to give it back when she's crying because that's a letter her daddy wrote who she hasn't seen in a long time because he's in jail.

Be a little nicer to the observer. I mean geez, I was looking at their homework paper out of curiosity and you just took it away without so much as a "go to hell."

Also, 90 minutes of rote question and answer isn't the best way to keep the students interested and NOT naughtier than they already are.

Routinely ending ten minutes (if not more) before the end of class isn't the most awesome way to do things, just because you did everything the actual instructor put down in her notes. I hope you don't tell this teacher that she didn't give you enough to do like you have others, because omg.

Seriously.

When the super nice special ed. aide says you're a bitch, you must be a raving bitch.

Good LORD I hope to be better.